I'll Never Take Anything For Granted Again- Yea Right

I hope not to be misunderstood here. The title suggests a hint of sarcasm. I’m truly not in a sarcastic mood. I belong to a recovery fellowship that I owe my life to. I’ve been clean 13 and a half years, and a bit more. I’ve gone to meetings in the same area for all of my recovery. I’ve known some of these people for the entire time. Others come, stay a while, go back to using, and then hopefully come back. And there’s always some that come in for the first time. I’ve very, very tired, so I’m probably dragging this on way too long before I get to the point. Last night, one of these people that I’ve known for the past 5 years or so, died on the back of her boyfriend’s motorcycle. She died instantly. He, last I heard, is in critical condition. I wasn’t even great friends with her. Mostly because we don’t live close by, and both lead very busy lives with children and all. She was such a lovely person, and I can’t believe she’s gone. Just like that. She didn’t have a chance. It’s not fair.

I remember some 7 or 8 years ago, another amazingly beautiful spirit from our program died. She was the wife of a man who used to be my sponsor. She was the kindest, gentlest sole I ever knew. She used to pick pennies up off the ground and if they were on tales, she would turn them right side up so that someone else could pick them up and presumably have good luck. She was a smoker, was diagnosed with lung cancer, and died very quickly. I remember when we held an informal recovery meeting at this hall, right after her ceremony, I shared that I was never going to take anybody, or anything for granted, ever again. This woman, and her husband, had touched my life so profoundly, and I just couldn’t believe she was dead. Even though she smoked, she had had a clear chest x-ray just a few months before she got sick. I felt so empty inside and I vowed to learn something from this. But I didn’t. I did for a while, but then I always seem to take my life, my health, my children, my family, my clean time, for granted. I actually think I don’t, but for the most part, I do. I’m always so busy with responsibilities to slow down enough to really appreciate every little thing that happens in a day. I actually think I’ve been doing better with this. I’ve been really taking good care of myself. There’s just so much more that could be done in this area. There just never seems to be enough time. As I’m typing this, I ‘m thinking of so many people that I know, mostly in our fellowship, that I haven’t stopped to really talk to in a while. I don’t believe it’s God’s will that she is gone, but there has to be some kind of purpose. I’m surely not God, so I can’t answer this. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself. I think I do gradually get better and better with living life to the fullest. Some day I will do this with every breath I take. Good bye beautiful sole.